you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
