Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
