I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize