remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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