Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
