What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
