I need help removing her.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
