AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
