I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
