Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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