Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
