I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
