Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
