Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
