i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
