So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
