Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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