I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
