it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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