I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
