apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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