apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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