we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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