While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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