Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
