That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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