Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
