Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
