fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
