Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
