Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am available for nakedness
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
