Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
