Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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