There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
