So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
