dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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