so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
