So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize