Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
