I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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