4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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