you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
