I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
soo... how was my night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
