I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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