Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
