I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
