They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
