my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
