Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
