I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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