He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
