I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
