so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
