i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
