dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
