His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
