2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
