'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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