yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
