is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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