um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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