someone threw a dead crab at me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
