Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
