If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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