So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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