remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
