i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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