if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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