why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
