No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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