I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
