The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
