so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
