Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The feeling are messing with the penis
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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