I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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