youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
