Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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