I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
